Sprained Ankle and Tumble

As I approached the kitchen from the center hallway, I tripped, twisting my ankle and falling into Greg who was hurrying in my direction hefting two heavy folding tables. My hands pushed his sweaty chest, righting myself, but making him lose his balance. He desperately tried to save himself, but, in slow motion, he toppled over sideways landing on the table in his right hand while the one in his left hand ended up on top. I laughed till tears ran down my face. Greg didn't know if I was laughing or crying. Then every time I thought of it during the day, I involuntarily went into hysterics. The thought of me pushing my son over is so remote that the reality is just too funny. Too bad we don't have a video to post on U-Tube!

Nothing to do with dogs, but I won again!

My family has always chided me for blabbering too much information to strangers. Sometimes there are embarrassing consequences; other times there are positive outcomes.

I bought Greg a cute car photo frame a few years ago. It has sat on a stand in his living room with no picture for a long time. So I searched Greg and Cathi’s photos and found one of their engagement pictures on wedding professional photo CD that is perfect for the frame. I took it to Wal-Mart, but it would not work in the customer-access machine, so the employee had to search the CD for the right photo and then do the cropping necessary to make their faces fit in the frame. It took quite a bit of time – at least half an hour. Fortunately, no other customers came along during that time. We chit-chatted at length; she knows the story why I am here in TX and about Greg and Cathi’s wedding last year. She told me her life story – a romance with her Wal-Mart supervisor that began three years ago with a wedding coming up this summer. When we finally had the photo as I wanted it, she said, “Just take it.” I insisted that I couldn’t do that! She had spent a long time working on my project! But she wouldn’t tell me what it cost and shooed me away.

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Kids, Dogs, and Coffee

Today before leaving for our school run, I made sure the trash can was outside, the food was put away, but I left my “indoor” Crocs beside my suitcases. After urging and re-urging the kids to get themselves together and out the door on time, I dropped them at school, then drove over to Wal-Mart. I was feeling very tired and kind of dragged around the store picking up my few items including using the Kodak Picture Maker to reproduce the above nine year old darling shot of baby Duke lying ON Hershey under my kitchen desk in Naperville. Before leaving the parking lot, I pulled into Starbucks Drive Thru for a latte. The overly cheery associate began with a high pitched lilting, “How are you today?”
My deadpan reply was, “You don’t want to know.”
“That bad? Well, what can we start for you that will make your day better?” After ordering my drink, she spiritedly asked, “What else can I do for you today?”
You know me and my silliness. I said, “Can you make dinner for me tonight?” She coyly declined, but offered that, if I got a job at Starbucks, she could microwave something for me. A young woman was at the window, and, even before she spoke, I knew hers was not the voice I had been bantering with, so I asked who took my order. It was a middle-aged woman who looked just like her voice – not really a “normal” person (who am I to talk? ha!). I handed my money to them, and my person said, “There is no charge today.”
“That’s not fair! I have to pay.”
“Of course, that’s fair! We have the option of awarding drinks when we think it would help someone.”
Oh, my… They don’t understand my droll sense of humor. Well, I couldn’t fight a good thing, so I said, “Oh! It’s like the Year of a Million Dreams at Walt Disney World, and I won!” They concurred. So then I threw my hands in the air and yelled, “I won, I won!” That cracked them up.
Remember my Crocs? Well, I opened the door and immediately noticed little bits and pieces of something strewn on the living room carpet. My Jibbitz! They had pulled all of my Jibbetz out of two pairs of Crocs! Nothing was damaged; just some tooth scratches on the plastic.

These are Guinness's Nephew and Niece

It is a known fact that all food and kitchen trash must be put away when the dogs are left in the house alone. Duke and Daisy, Greg's loving boxers, are inveterate scroungers. The flooring displays the scars of the consequences of human forgetfulness and canine adventures.
When I returned to the house from taking the kids to school, I found the dogs in the living room tearing open a large bag of fruity colored cereal flakes. Fortunately, they were only beginning their feast, so a few swipes with the vacuum restored order.
The dogs have caused enough damage to the living room carpet and the kitchen vinyl flooring that it is time for replacements to more durable products – wood and ceramic tile. Mid-day, while waiting for a flooring man to arrive to measure the two rooms, I whipped up my favorite banana oatmeal chocolate chip muffins for the kids to have as an after school treat. Besides, I needed a bribe for Jeremy since I was hauling him off to Wal-Mart for a few groceries. I put two muffins in a container with a napkin, placed the remaining muffins in the microwave to be out of the dogs’ reach, and left for school. About three blocks from home, I noted that the muffins were not with me, so I turned around in a driveway and hurried home hoping the dogs had not found them yet. The muffins were intact on the counter, but the dogs had the trash can knocked over and were about to gorge on discarded goodies. I threw the trash outside, tossed treats to the dogs for not eating the muffins, grabbed the container, and sped back to school. As I pulled up in line at the curb, I saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror. I had no idea how long he had been following me.
I rolled down my window and innocently asked, “Was I speeding?”
“Yes, you were, Mam. 31 in a 20. May I see your license and insurance?”
“I am Grandma from Canada, here to help while my daughter-in-law is in the hospital.”
“Don't they have speed limits in Canada?”
“Yes, but they don't stop anyone; at least, not me. I have to tell you about my day.” I proceeded to relate my tale about the muffins as a bribe, the dogs, the return for the muffins, and the trash as I handed him my license and the insurance card. Thank heavens, Greg looked up insurance documents in the filing cabinet last night because he had discovered that he was paying twice for the same vehicle. Filed there, he found the new insurance cards for the car I was driving.
“That is a story I have never heard before. I’ll let you off this time for being funny. But you must slow down.”
“Thank you, sir. That is very kind of you.”
I related the events of my day when Greg called as he drove from work to the hospital. He asked which vehicle I had been driving, then registered alarm that the whole neighborhood had seen his car pulled over by a cop. He has owned this Acura for less than three months, yet he, Cathi, and now I have been stopped for speeding.
While replaying my shortcomings, I remembered that I had neglected to give Jeremy his allergy medication this morning as well as yesterday morning. I have failed the Motherhood Test.

Look What I Won

I had a Guinness with my dinner at TJ’s Bar & Grill last night and won a hat! Too bad it doesn’t fit on Guinness’s head.

Have you wondered why?

Why do dogs scratch their paws on the ground after pooping? I think I know! I think it is a manner of sanitation – paw washing! I have never seen a dog have this slip before, but twice within the past week, due to icy conditions, Guinness has stepped into his fresh poop. Scratching his paws cleansed them. Seems very logical to me.

BTW, the chocolate carpet stains cleaned up with my handy-dandy ServiceMaster carpet cleaning kit!

Chocolate Icing

Guinness was a bad boy today. I left a kitchen cupboard slightly open (maybe I was the bad girl?), and he took out a packet of chocolate icing. He spread chocolate powder all over the house as he ran from the kitchen through the dining room, down the front hallway back to the kitchen -- twice. The second time, he headed upstairs to stay away from me, leaving chocolate powder on the light beige carpet. By the time he went upstairs, saliva was mixing with it and we have chocolate stains on the carpet. My throat is sore/hoarse from yelling at him. He is in his crate now.

Potty Habits

Today, we returned to doggie park as Ellen and Lucy are on vacation. The first thing Guinness did when he jumped out of the car was to sniff around a tree, then he lifted his leg and went potty. You may think that is totally normal, but it is not! Guinness does not lift his leg! That was a first. I am not sure that I approve as that behavior can kill plants and squirt places where I may not want it squirted. It made me think about our dogs’ potty habits and how they formed:

Our first dog was Blackberry, a female Cockapoo. Several years later, Andy, a male boxer, joined the family. Apparently, Blackberry taught him to squat to go potty. He never lifted his leg. A few months after Andy died, Hershey came to live with us. He too copied 13 year old Blackberry. Now we have Guinness. We wanted Hershey to train Guinness to be as good a dog as he was, but he didn’t live long enough to conquer Guinness’s vices. One of the few things that Guinness learned from Hershey was to squat.

Guinness has another annoying habit: he still eats his own poo plus his friends’ fresh droppings (sometimes they don’t even get a chance to drop!). When Frank, the dog bone man, and Mattie arrived at the opposite side of the park, Guinness ran to greet them and claim his daily treat. He also did his constitutional duty far from me so that I was unable to rescue it into a bag before it disappeared. As the two humans and two dogs were walking behind the trees, I said, “I hope Guinness doesn’t see that pile of poop and eat it.” Immediately, Guinness turned, found the poop and was going to have a snack, but I beat him complaining, “Do I have to pick up after other dogs?” Ugh! His comprehension skills are greater than I imagined!

Last Day of Fun

Today is their last day to play before Lucy and Ellen take a vacation from the snow. Guinness got my mitten (a daily ritual), and they had great fun playing tug (another daily ritual).